QUICK VIEWING GUIDE:
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS BELOW:  
SO -- WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY?
IS THIS SITE FOR KIDS?
WHAT BROWSERS DO YOU RECOMMEND?
WHY DOES MY 'BACK BUTTON' WORK SOMETIMES, AND NOT OTHER TIMES?
HOW CAN I TURN OFF THAT ANNOYING LITTLE PICTURE TOOLBAR? ( PC's)
NO SPYWARE? ADWARE? HOW COME?
HOW CAN YOU MAKE $$ DOING ALL OF THIS?
CAN I EXPLORE YOUR SITE ON A DIAL-UP CONNECTION?
WHY ISN'T THE SOUND WORKING ON MY iPHONE / iPAD?
CAN I MAKE SUGGESTIONS?
I HATE ALL THIS. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
SITE CREDITS
Like to MAKE CONTACT with us?
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY?   More Questions? PAGE TOP
First and foremost, it's about having fun. It's also about publicity, and if you're reading this, it's working. Curtis Amusements creates and develops entertainment content, and unlike some other outfits that claim they do too, we'll actually try to entertain you while you visit our website (not just throw a bit of sliding text and a blaring tune in your face and leave it at that). Feel free to explore any of our online entertainments, and we'll do more than just offer to entertain you, we'll do our best to deliver on that statement:
   
Are you looking for Conceptual Development services (e.g., scripting, treatments, storyboards, conceptual artwork) for your entertainment project? Are you looking for original Entertainment Properties? Are you looking for novel New Media ways to reach your own audience? We invite you to MAKE CONTACT anytime.
Are you just here looking for online amusement, adventure, and, well, entertainment...? Then YOU are the reason why we do what we do! Welcome, and -- HAVE FUN !
IS THIS SITE FOR KIDS?   PAGE TOP
Not really, no. While there is no "adult content" per se on the site, we feel that most of our Viewers must be at least in their late teens-and up to fully enjoy our style of humor and the majority of the content we present here.
Specifically:
If any Visitor (of any age) objects to topless mermaids, cocktail humor, gallows humor, twisted literary humor, cartoon bloodletting, unabashed cheesecake, animated explosions, bizarre wildlife, macabre or oddball imagery, and anything else like this stuff, then they are kindly requested to PLEASE LEAVE NOW.
WHAT BROWSERS DO WE RECOMMEND?   PAGE TOP
There used to be a bunch of lengthy stuff here about other browsers' various degrees of compatibility, but, in a nutshell, just use Google's Chrome Browser if you're on a Windows system, and the Safari Browser if you're on a Mac, and the site should display properly on most computer systems.
If something doesn't seem to be playing right for you after the page appears to have fully downloaded, try using your browser's "Refresh" button to reload the page. This may help properly download any missing elements. The more basic site elements are cached, the more enjoyable your explorations should be.
WHY DOES MY "BACK BUTTON" WORK SOMETIMES, AND NOT OTHERS?   PAGE TOP
Most of our entertainment environment pages are built with invisibly stacked "layers", which you are actually showing and hiding as you explore. Often when your view of a virtual location changes, you're not "leaving" that page, but rather "going deeper" into its layers. For this reason, it's best to use the "Navigation Bar's" directional pointers at the screen bottom, when they're visible. If you have difficulty "going back" to a previous view in that location, try using your browser's "refresh button" to reload that page.
Another possibility is that your browser is not allowing the interactive layer control script to function. Check out the Browser Compatibility& Updates section above, and see if the browser you're using to view the site is recommended, or may require an add-on (-like Firefox does-) to properly control our site's navigation features.
HOW CAN I TURN OFF THAT LITTLE TOOLBAR 'DOO-DAD' THAT KEEPS POPPING UP WHEN I HOVER OVER THE PICTURES?    PAGE TOP
Yeah, we hate that thing too. On PC's to turn off the "Image Toolbar", follow this path:

Go to your browser's 'TOOLS' MENU > Click 'INTERNET OPTIONS' > Choose the ADVANCED Tab > and, under MULTIMEDIA > CLEAR (UN-Check ) the 'ENABLE IMAGE TOOLBAR' Check Box.

~ or ~
To disable the Image Toolbar directly from the web page, hover over any image larger than 200x200 pixels (which will bring up the blasted little thing), and RIGHT CLICK on the Toolbar, then click "Disable Image Toolbar".
NO "SPYWARE, ADWARE", etc.? WHY NOT?   PAGE TOP
Because we insist on earning the trust of our Visitors.
Some of the virtual locations on our site offer souvenir features (most of them free) like posters or wallpaper f'rinstance, that are presented in "pop-up" windows, so the visitor can acquire them without leaving that location. We must be trusted not to include spyware in our pop-up windows or our available downloads.
Our immersive entertainment environments require Active X controls to play the wide varieties of interactive sounds and animations we present. We must be trusted not to use these features to propagate malicious code or other kinds of malware.
Our good reputation is important to us, and we will not take short-term advantage of our Visitors' personal information for short term gain. We must be trusted to be a safe place for you to visit, where you can enjoy yourself without any worry that your activities, or your identity, are being personally monitored, recorded, or conveyed to any unknown parties.
We now utilize Google Analytics, which has somewhat modified our long-standing "no Cookies" policy, Google avers that aside from the anonymous statistical information they gather, they neither cull nor disclose any personally-identifiable information about any of our Visitors. This feature tells us how many Visitors we have worldwide, the number and frequency of monthly visits we receive, and what sort of browsers are most commonly being used to view our site.
That being the case, we still don't want to know where you've been before you got here, or where you go when you leave. We only care about entertaining you while you're with us, and believe that if we don't abuse your trust while you visit us, you just might tell your friends you had fun here. That's what we're building our reputation on, not intrusive sneakiness.
The bottom line is, we've no idea who you are personally, unless you tell us. And even if you choose to, via our site's Contact forms, we do not share any information about you with anyone else.
We're in business to entertain you, not to annoy you. If you find our entertainments annoying, however, that is another matter, and you may wish to click HERE...
SO HOW CAN YOU MAKE ANY MONEY DOING ALL THIS?    PAGE TOP
So hit our "Swag" links ( "YoYo Island's Tradin' Post" / "Crumpkin's Pumpkins' Gift Shop" ), and buy a T-shirt already, skinflint. Or a real poster (not one of our freebie downloads), or one of our very nice libation mugs, or whatever. Pin up one of our ravishing calendars someplace where it'll get seen, and help us keep our stats rising, yes? Lord knows we only make a few pennies off the stuff after our manufacturers cut, but we do alright. And our Sponsors (who are doing alright already) will be very happy.
Additionally, the publicity we garner from building an online entertainment presence also helps us continue to develop business with our present and future Clients in the entertainment industry. And, we also build websites for interesting people. (Still, our latest calendars and posters are very nice...)
I ONLY HAVE A DIAL-UP CONNECTION, CAN I STILL EXPLORE YOUR SITE?   PAGE TOP
For your sake we really don't advise it. Sorry, but you'll only go crazy waiting out the page loads. Chances are, if you're on dial-up, you've already given up on us waiting for this page to load, and are not, in fact, even reading this.
This site really only works well for visitors with high-end DSL-or-faster broadband connections. T1's are better, and everything plays almost like TV on T3 pipelines. Oooo.
It's a drag, we know, but on the plus side, everything's getting faster, and will continue to do so. If you're looking in right now on, say, a friend's broadband-equipped computer, and all you have at home is dial-up, you might want to ask your local library if they've got broadband (a lot of 'em have blazing speed), and dig us there. Or pick up the tab for the brew and pizza at your friend's place.
WHY ISN'T THE SOUND WORKING ON SOME DEVICES?   PAGE TOP
This website uses Flash-based Sound, which will not play on .SWF-restrictive mobile media, and is best viewed on Desktop, Laptop, or Large Screen systems.
As to Macs and PCs? Good question. We don't know. Works fine on some systems, and not at all on others. The initial sound control files were built in an .swf-generating application which we won't name, but let's just say that the release of Flashplayer 9 has scrambled a number of peoples' work done in said-unnamed app. Sheesh. We're working on new sound controls, and we ask you to bear with us while we get them installed sitewide. Did we say "sheesh"? Sheesh...
Another possibility is that your browser is not allowing the interactive sound controls to function. Please check out the Best Browsers section above, and see if the browser you're using to view the site is recommended.
CAN I MAKE ANY SUGGESTIONS?   PAGE TOP
Absolutely! Yes indeed, we appreciate hearing from our Visitors who are willing to offer helpful advice and constructive criticism about how we may improve our online entertainment experiences. By all means, MAKE CONTACT if you've got an opinion or suggestion you think we should be made aware of, we'll be pleased to hear your input.
We also invite you to contribute to our FAQs, if you're not seeing something here you're looking for.
( Visitors who frankly just don't like our content in general, please see following Q & A. )
I HATE ALL THIS, DON'T GET IT, THINK YOU'RE CRAZY, AM SUSPICIOUS OF YOUR INTENTIONS, DON'T LIKE YOUR SOUND/MUSIC/GRAPHICS, DON'T THINK ANYTHING'S FUNNY, THINK YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING ALL WRONG, AM NOT ENJOYING MYSELF. WHAT SHOULD I DO?   PAGE TOP
Well, as the Old-Timers workin' the show would say, "If you're not having fun, go home."
If you don't like our Show, you don't have to hang around in the Tent. Sure, we're still trying to figure out how to do a lot of the new things we're up to, but what the heck, friend, most of it's free. The Owner good-naturedly suggest it's a big universe, and we're sure you're likely to find something to enjoy somewhere else in it.

If you still wish to convey any dissatisfaction you may have, please EMAIL US HERE, or through our Receptionist Page, and we will do our best to attend to your concern.

OTHER GUESTS WHO WISH TO RESUME HAVING FUN, MAY PLEASE CLICK HERE.

SITE CREDITS:   PAGE TOP
Original creative content, visual elements, and text designed & written
by Johnny Curtis
(excepting Client/Studio logos and portfolio project credits, as noted)
JavaScripting & additional creative technical services by Michael Biener
Start up IT services by Daniel Adams
Custom HTML scripting, technical consultation, and other White Knight feats
by Mike Hanttula / HANTTULA.com.
Custom HTML scripting, technical consultation, and other White Knight feats
by Jason Bryan, ONE-BYTE SOLUTIONS.com.
Special Thanks:
To Grady Sellards,
for his vital start-up assistance.
To David Johnson,
for his ongoing developmental feedback,
remarkable troubleshooting insights,
and invaluable liaison activities.
God Bless Al Sparber
To Richard Tegley,
for his generous and abiding interest.
And to Elizabeth Ann,
for cheering Seabiscut on, rain or shine.
For the most satisfactory viewing experience, let the pages FULLY LOAD before you begin to interact with or explore the entertainment environment you're in. On some systems, the "Loading Layer" (page cover) will clear before all of that page's interactive elements (e.g., sound & animations) have finished downloading.
Watch your modem/router lights: if they're still flashing on and off like crazy monkeys, then goodies are still coming in, even if the Loading Layer has cleared. What can we say? Have a Mai Tai ( or whatever ) and relax for half a minute; it's coming, and when the little blinkies settle down things should play nicely for you.
If something doesn't seem to be playing right for you after the page appears to have fully downloaded, try using your browser's "Refresh" button to reload the page. This may help properly download any missing elements. The more basic site elements are cached, the more enjoyable your explorations should be.
 
 
Original sm Internet Entertainments Created & Produced by Johnny Curtis
Website by
in association with